speausa 05.12.2018, 17:09 Uhr 1 1

Alone.

Spending the day alone - 

- with my feelings.
- with my fears.
- with my body.
- without speaking.
- without having to fill the gap.
- just leaving it like it is.
- just feeling what demands to be felt.

Now I'm writing what's left of it.
Just pouring the words onto blank paper -
so that what's left is leaving me, 
to be on the paper instead of inside my head.

When watching the lights blur into motion I wanted to cry.
Because of the joy to be there,
or maybe because I realized the loneliness that was inside me.
Joy and loneliness that both had to be felt at the same moment.
Just in that moment, when everyone else was with somebody.
Somebody they could share their emotions with.

Then when I walked away,
there was fear to be felt, just in that moment.
Fear of what? Fear of meeting him, again,
after all that he put me through.
Fear of my reaction to him,
after all that I've gone through since I left him.

Ther there was joy,
or maybe just the feeling of safety,
of a place someone calls home.
That warm feeling of having arrived somewhere safe.

I feel safe now, no more loneliness,
no more sadness or fear.
I feel pride of having dealt with everything -
- all by myself.

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    "Joy and loneliness that both had to be felt at the same moment." - feel you.

    "I feel pride of having dealt with everything -
    - all by myself." 

    04.01.2019, 14:26 von starry-eyed
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