I am "superman." My dreams are attainable, and it lets me know that I can make them come true.
So I was sitting here thinking about how I have this completely unhealthy obsession with music, and I was trying to figure out why exactly that is. I mean what is so great about someone making noise with some strings and banging things, while fluctuating their voice to a tune instead of simply saying sentences…
Yeah, so I don't exactly know. All I know is that it has done something to me. Honestly, it has changed my life, and that's kind of sad. The day that I go a full 30 min without hearing a song, singing a song, or humming a song, would be the day that hell freezes over. Even when I'm at places like school and I can't sing out loud, I find myself swaying back and forth to the music in my head. Of course, nobody else hears this music so I just look like a fag, but you get the point. Music consumes people's lives. It consumes my life. And I'm wondering why? Our parents and friends tell us the same things that half of the songs we listen to sing about, but it's just sooo much different when you hear it in a song.
Music speaks to you. And you listen.
So as I've been sitting here I've been trying to think of what exactly music means to me. Why do I constantly feel the need to be listening to it, to find more/new music to listen to, to look up concerts that I can go to, etc… Why do I think that music consumes the majority of my life? Well obviously, this in and of itself is nothing poetic or lyrical, it's just my thoughts and why I believe that I feel the way I do about music. This is what I've come up with so far & this may not apply to everyone but it does for me:
Music is the alternate universe that I want to be a part of.
It is a place where thoughts can be exposed, feelings can be revealed, and ideas can be freely given without any consequence. And no matter what you sing, you know that someone is going to listen. Somebody somewhere is going to sing along with you. When I hear a song, it is like there is a connection between me and the voice coming out of that speaker. For 3 minutes I am not alone-I am in love-I am dancing with somebody else-I am crying with somebody else. Songs can capture the very beat of our hearts and put them into the words that we've been trying so hard to get out. All of the sudden, right when you need it, there is a song you can listen to that can give you anything you need.
Want to feel happy? Dance? Cry? Scream at your parents? Tell your friends how much they mean to you? Tell your friends they suck? Fall in love? Screw the world? Go to sleep?
Yeah, there is a song for all of that and sooo many more things. Music is like the singing dictionary of our emotions. Whenever I feel a certain way I can turn on any number of songs and BAM I am enveloped in those lyrics and that beat like you don't even know! Me and that person/people are singing along to the same song, and I know that someone else knows exactly how I feel at that moment. We all want to be understood and want to be part of something bigger than ourselves. When I hear someone singing the same things that I feel everyday, I know that I am a part of that "something else." They wrote that song just for me, so I could sing along and be one with them in their anthem. Who doesn't want to be a part of that?…
Music makes me my own superhero.
It can make me feel invincible, like I can take on the world and as long as I have that cd playing nothing is going to get in my way. It allows me to believe that I can do the impossible. And who doesn't want to feel that way? It has this way of empowering me beyond my own strength. Even if none of my friends or family know how I feel or believe in the dreams I have, it doesn't matter as much when I have that song playing. Because then, I believe that I can do it even with out them. I am "superman." My dreams are attainable, and it lets me know that I can make them come true. That feelings is pretty freaking awesome.
Music can tear me apart.
Now you might be thinking "wait…what?" Let me explain. A simple song can reach into my very being and rip out whatever feelings I have been hiding from the world. Feelings I haven't even admitted to myself. It can confront me with the lies I've told, the emotions I've hid, the secrets I kept. Every now and then a reality check on who I really am is exactly what I need. And music can give that to me. When you harbor something inside you so deep that you can't tell anyone, it begins to build. You want to get it out soo bad but you don't dare. Whether it's because you know that no one will understand, no one will believe you, or you're too afraid of whatever might follow--music can relieve that. I can hear those lyrics and just know. I am the only one who needs to know. Me and whoever I'm sharing those secrets with on the inside of my stereo.
Concerts and shows are like music on acid. It brings everything straight to me. It entertains me. It hits me in the face. It captures my heart. It makes me feel like they are performing for me. All of these other people, well, they are just there to fill in space. But that singer/performer, he knows that I am there because of him; because of his words. I want to see the people/know the people that have such an influence over my life. Who have shared my greatest and worst moments with me. They have been with me though out my whole life, and I want them to know. I want to be best friends with them. People who have determination, who are motivated, who contain more than the surface of their appearance. Those are the people I want to know. They travel the world and speak to thousand of souls. Not to mention, they can have the time of their life doing it! Who wouldn't want to be part of a revolution such as that? I do not care about them because they know how to sing or play an instrument. Millions of people can do that. I care about them because they cared enough to make a difference. Seriously, who wouldn't want their friends to be people with dreams, with life… Who wouldn't want to experience that for themselves? I know I sure do! There is just something about watching people perform. It's like they've stepped into that "alternate universe" that I'm dying to be part of but I'm only halfway there. If only I could… then I'd be there too… Ahhh seeing them feel the music like its pouring from their souls, knowing that they were once just as vulnerable to those words and sounds as I am. It's perfect bliss.
Music teaches me life lessons, it comforts me, it inspires me. With music I can scream, laugh, dance, hate, cry, love. There is never going to be a time when everyone knows how I feel. There is rarely a time when anyone knows how I feel. But sometimes that's ok. Because I can turn on any song I choose and everything goes away. I can daydream, drift into another reality, forget the world... Or I can do the exact opposite. I can face the world and conquer it. It all depends on how I feel, and its amazing to know that however I feel there is someone who once understood and wrote a song for me about it. Just for me. There is just something magical about it really. Almost divine. Like I am connected with another soul who may be oceans away and not even know that I exist. But we are connected through these words. Music gives me hope.
I am in love with music. …And its messengers…well, I am in love with them too. If it wasn't for them, I would not be able to share those countless nights with their lyrics. I would not be able to write my own lyrics, because I wouldn't believe that I could. There are things about me that only my stereo and notebooks know. That is a pretty intense relationship, and it exists between me and music.
So those are the thoughts that I've come up with so far off the top of my head. Hard to believe huh? I don't even know if half of this made any sense to you, but I guess that's irrelevant because it makes perfect sense to me. Maybe you understand, maybe you don't. I just hope that you've experienced it because it is freaking amazing!
And to all of the musicians of the world, I hope you know that you've inspired me beyond my wildest dreams, and you've shared the most memorable moments of my life with me. I only hope that you know that everything you have done is worth it. I wish I could do something for you that would measure up to a fragment of what you've done for me. Hopefully, buying your cds and going to your concerts is enough for now :) Hmmm or maybe I could be your merch girl and tour with you and do anything you want… and wait, that's helping me not you…wow, embarrassing Ha ha!